Of the Gattuso Varietal

We'll skip over the fact that there have been painfully few blog posts from my end in 2011 and head right into a review of my Mighty Life List. So I haven't exactly struck very many of these off, but you'll note that I have accomplished one very, VERY big one: getting off of meds! Hooray!

I want to clarify that in no way do I think medication is bad, or that those who rely on medication are "faking" or not strong enough to handle things alone. So many people are living with medication as if it's shameful, as if it's not a norm. But you know what? Ask enough people and you'll find that a surprising number of them are either on medication or have been at one point in their life. I turned to anxiety medication because of crazy work stress that I struggled with for a long time before realizing I just couldn't do it alone anymore. The breaking point for me came a few Christmases ago, when, even on the most family-oriented, throw-your-cares-away day of the year, I still couldn't cast aside thoughts of my work to-do list. I wanted help coping, needed something that would help me distance myself from my desk when I had already left for the day, but was scared I'd be unfairly labeled. But what I found instead when I started asking around was a very welcoming, supportive network of family and friends who assured me that seeing a psychiatrist was an appropriate next step - you would go to a doctor if you couldn't shake a cold for a few weeks, right? Right. And the medication helped, but I knew that it was only a crutch. What I really needed was a lifestyle change. And I had the opportunity to do that in 2011 and - lo and behold - managed to become medication free. Huzzah.

But psych meds are legitimate. As are the symptoms that many, many individuals suffer through. So to those who are still on meds and working toward the right combination, I salute you. To those who are working on changing their life so they don't need to rely on meds so much, I salute you. And to those who are questioning whether seeing a psychiatrist is smart, it is. Do it. Don't feel ashamed for getting help. You deserve it.

Maybe in 2012 I'll be able to strike another 2-3 off the list. I know for sure that I'd like to pound out the rest of my manuscript before my 27th birthday. I'm trying not to think about how that's only 13 years away from being 40. Which is freaken' scary. But oh well. Hopefully by the time I'm 40, 40 will be the next 20. Yeah?

Also - I'd like to note that I feel much happier now than I have in the past. But I just feel like striking that particular goal off the list is so pre-emptive. It should always be a goal... the continual pursuit of happiness.

Love and light!<3 --- My Mighty Life List

1. Speak fluent Italian
2. Write a novel
3. Make the New York Times Best-Seller list
4. Make Oprah’s Book Club
5. Go on a tropical cruise with Mom, Sis, and Arie
6. Take an extended vacation (1-2 months) in Italy
7. Wear a goddess dress in Greece
8. Learn to make home-made hummus
9. Write an article for Real Simple, Vanity Fair, Cosmopolitan, Glamour
10. Own a black writing desk with a complementary statement chair
11. Attend an opera at the MET and one in Paris
12. See a Broadway show – Anything Gershwin
13. Go to a BlogHer conference
14. Build a blog/community I enjoy on a daily basis
15. Live in Seattle
16. Wear a big hat at Churchill Downs for the Kentucky Derby
17. Take a 3-4-day train trip in Europe to eat cheese and bread and drink wine
18. Own a Great Dane
19. Own an Irish Thoroughbred
20. Make a difference with my writing – would love for someone to cite my book as one that “changed my life”
21. Bake and decorate a beautiful cake
22. Christen a boat
23. Take a bath in an old, claw-footed bathtub
24. Attend Mardi Gras in New Orleans
25. Whistle with two fingers for a New York taxi
26. Have dinner and drinks with Colleen McCollough
27. Have a wardrobe that rivals all wardrobes – simple and elegant
28. Be able to whip up yellow chicken curry in a snap
29. Make a list of all the little things that make me happy and update it once a year – keep it somewhere I can look at it often
30. Start a charity or a non-profit
31. Have professional, model-esque pictures taken of myself before I get horribly frumpy, dumpy and disfigured
32. Attend a Butch Thompson concert
33. Get off medication
34. Pay off all debts
35. Hang out behind the scenes to watch a feature film being made
36. Feel like I have my shit together
37. Ride a bike around Napa vineyards
38. Pay it forward – help someone out with college or a car
39. Finish the Napa photo project I started in high school
40. Learn to play the cello
41. Live in Florida
42. Salsa dance consistently – weekly
43. Meet Jenny – the Bloggess – and Heather – Dooce. Tell them how their unabashed brazenness has enriched my life, entertained me, and emboldened me.
44. Own a Porsche 911 Carrera
45. Watch the equestrian trials at the Olympics
46. Be able to discern the types of wine without looking at labels or getting hints from anybody
47. Truly, wholly enjoy what I do for a living – the measurement of success
48. Write a book that gets turned into a movie
49. Compile a list of 100 books to read – and read them
50. Enjoy a beer with friends while watching the running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain
51. Ride in a hot-air balloon
52. Attend a clam bake in the Hamptons
53. Purchase an obscenely priced piece of art that really speaks to me
54. Go whale watching
55. Fly an airplane
56. Visit Atlantic City and walk the boardwalk
57. Grow my own grapes for wine
58. Revisit the Smithsonian museum
59. Track down ancestors from both my mom’s side and my dad’s side
60. Learn how to sail
61. Lazily tour the Louvre
62. Become a better public speaker
63. Visit London to ride the “Tube” and the London “Millennium” Eye
64. Donate blood more often
65. Learn how to Tango
66. Make pasta from scratch
67. Become a business owner or freelancer
68. Tour a high-rise city in a helicopter
69. Learn how to play tennis
70. Get comfortably snowed-in in a house on the East Coast
71. Enjoy a delectable dessert with port
72. Hear a presidential address
73. Watch the start of the Rolex Sydney Hobart Yacht Race
74. Attend (or compete in!) the Rolex Kentucky
75. Host a caviar and champagne tasting party
76. Actually save up to subsist without a job for at least 6 months
77. Visit the Pearl Harbor memorial
78. Read all of Agatha Christie’s work
79. Attend a costume ball
80. Buy coffee for the person in the car behind me in the drive-through line
81. Ride a zipline on a tropical island
82. Donate more to the food bank
83. Memorize and play Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue on the piano
84. Have drinks at an actual jazz/blues bar
85. Collect and display sand from beaches from all the continents
86. Throw a surprise party for someone I love to pieces
87. Attend Mighty Summit
88. Write down my grandparents’ life stories
89. Complete a remodeling project, or house
90. Have a restaurant prepare a fish that I caught myself
91. Meet Trey Parker and Matt Stone and thank them
92. Hole up in a beach house for a week (or longer) with someone I love
93. Spend a night in San Antonio near the river
94. Attend a writer’s conference
95. Be known as the best maker of spaghetti sauce ever
96. Take a cooking class
97. Buy more of my food from farmer’s markets
98. Try a Barolo (it’s a wine)
99. Enjoy dinner and drinks and discussion with Bill Maher
100. Ensure the literary world remembers my name
101. Be happy